In today’s episode, I want to talk about one of the major myths surrounding stagnation. This is coming from someone who’s experienced stagnation and no one would ever know it.
Often, when we’re thinking of stagnation and the feeling of being stuck, we consider that’d look like someone who’s just doing nothing with their life. They’re just coasting through each day, they have no goals that they’re working towards, they’re at a standstill in their lives, but they’re not doing anything. This is a massive conception and myth. I’m sure there are many people out there who don’t fit this particular picture that we use to represent stagnation.
I’m saying this as someone who’s been in a place where I was achieving, studying, teaching, mothering, out there, earning, doing a heck of a lot of stuff, yet, my internal self had my feet stuck in this life-sucking mud of negative self-talk. I was in a real internal mess, but no one on the outside would know it, because I played a good game. I was out there, doing stuff, and no one could call me stagnant, but I couldn’t move internally, past these thoughts and feelings. In my alone time, they came out. It was when I was alone, that they were at their high, and I felt stuck, like there was no way that I could move.
You’ll see people doing stuff — it doesn’t mean they’re not stuck. My clients are all doers. They’re all doing stuff. And yet they’ll come to me and say, “LaYinka, I feel stuck in this cycle of negative self-talk, self-sabotage, berating myself, in this internal cycle that no one can see.”
Many of them will tell me, “No one would ever know it, and I don’t tell anyone because you know what happens? It ends up crushing a particular image we’re portraying to people around us.”
This is a myth I want to bring to the table because if you’re a sister who’s doing, out there, achieving, studying, whatever-ing, and you’re in a place of stagnation, it’s time to break free and allow yourself to become unstuck.
For me, the process of becoming unstuck was to really face inner mean girl and say, “This, here, the story you’re weaving in my head isn’t working for me. Sure, we’re BFFs at some point, but you know what, I’m done with the relationship.”
For me, it came down to filing for divorce. Straight up and honest. I filed for divorce from inner mean girl because we couldn’t carry on, and one of the key components in being able to do that was getting to know myself again and getting to really know myself beyond the stories that inner mean girl had woven for me and allowed me to believe for so many years.
Alhamdulillah for the journey.
This is a myth that I want to cover because you’ll find many people doing this stuff, achieving here and there. They’re out there, moving, making, and doing stuff, but doing isn’t a sign of movement internally. So, if you find that you’re just doing, but internally you’re stuck, it’s time to take tracks and to take steps to becoming unstuck.