A sister recently reached out to me with a question, and her question was:
Is it possible to choose how to respond to negative people you can’t cut out of your life?
I know this sister’s question comes from hearing me say a heck of a lot that Allah has gifted us with the ability to choose, and yes, He has. He’s given us the ability to choose, and He says in the Quran, “There is no compulsion in religion,” so you have a choice whether you want to believe, or if you don’t want to believe in Him. That is entirely up to you.
And just like we can choose what we do and don’t believe, and the very levels in which we believe, Allah has gifted us with the ability to choose:
— how we think
— how we feel
— how we respond
— how we react
— how we behave
Allah has given us with the ability to choose. This is an empowering gift because it means that at every given moment, in every single situation, we have an infinite number of choices we can make; and because there is an infinite number of choices, that means our future has an infinite number of possibilities as a result of the choices that we have.
When it comes to people in our lives, yes, we can cut people out; however, when there are people in your life such as family members who we’re told to maintain ties of kinship with, and you don’t want to sever ties of kinship with them, you wonder,
‘How do I deal with this?’
‘What do I do?’
The first thing is to recognise, to embrace, to accept, to know, that you do have a choice in how you respond.
Yes, I know you can’t control what they say, what kind of energy they bring into your space, or what they do, but you do have a choice in whether you assume what they bring to you as your truth; you do have a choice whether you’re going to rub what they say into your skin; you do have a choice whether you’re going to put an internal barrier between what they’ve said and what you choose to assume and allow to enter into you.
You do have that choice.
So while, yes, you can’t control what they say or do, you can definitively tell yourself, “This, right here, I ain’t rolling with that.”
You can choose internally to accept that what’s coming out of their mouth is their mess, their perception, or their projection, and it’s for them to deal with, handle, and own.
You have the choice to own your own thoughts, to own your own actions, and to also not be affected by what someone has said.
Nothing means anything except the meaning that you give it, so if you decide that you’re going to take that person’s negativity on as your truth, then that’s the meaning you choose to give it.
You can choose to just simply believe and give meaning to their words and actions as that they’ve got issues to handle, or that they’ve got things going on for them, and that’s for them to own. I’ve got my own — isn’t that an empowering choice to be able to make? Alhamdulillah.
I’d absolutely love to hear your thoughts about this week’s episode, especially if anything stood out for you. Leave your comments below, inshaAllah, or join us in the Evolve and Emerge Growth Squad on Facebook, and let’s discuss there.
Have a beautiful weekend, and week ahead, my lovely. I look forward to being in your inbox again next week, inshaAllah.