There’s something that tends to happen when my 1:1 clients come to me with a presenting problem; and they believe that once we deal with this problem, things will be perfectly fine. However, I know little bit better through my own work on myself and through my experience of how a presenting problem is often not the actual problem. It requires some peeling away of layers because the root problem is usually completely different from the presenting problem itself.

A common root I’ve come across in my work with clients is forgiveness — the lack of self forgiveness.

I’ve find that it’s really easy for us to forgive other people for the hurt and harm they may cause us, and it’s easy for us to put aside what people have done and said, and accept that we can move on because the past is the past, right? Yet, there’s something curious that happens when we hold onto our shame, guilt, anger, frustration, and resentment for past decisions we’ve made and past mistakes we’ve made. When we unconsciously hold onto all of that and consciously tell us ourselves that we love ourselves, certain behaviour we exhibit indicate there’s a lack of self-forgiveness.

So, here’s my invitation to you today: If there’s something you did, something you said, a decision or mistake you made in the past, I invite you to accept that that was what happened and that’s what you did. I want you to enter a space, today, where you tell yourself decisively: ‘I forgive you. It’s okay. The world is still spinning.’

I invite you to see and feel and know that you still have time today to make things right with yourself. Forgive yourself. Yes, you may have said things that were wrong; yes, you may have hurt some people — yes, that’s true. And yes, you are worthy of being forgiven by your Lord, and you can also forgive yourself.

This is an open invitation to you to embrace yourself in a way you have yet to embrace yourself, and sprinkle yourself with a good dose of forgiveness.

What would it mean to you if you forgive yourself?
What would improve for you?
How would you be a different woman?

Explore these questions and see what comes up for you. Get a feel for what presents itself, and forgive yourself for your past.

The past has passed, and you can start from a new springboard for today and your future, inshaAllah.

LaYinka Sanni is an ex-editor and college lecturer who is now a certified practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) — an approach centered around communication and rewiring the brain to achieve positive change. Under 'Evolve & Emerge', LaYinka assists Muslim women to work towards living with intentional purpose as their authentic self.

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